Love Almost Lost
by MirrorFlower and DarkWind
Summary: After the trip to Vulcan for Spock's Pon Farr. What was running though Jim's head at the end and how did they fix thier almsot broken hearts?


**T'Slash: **Kirk/Spock day already! Wow it just came so fast…or it's just me being busy with Tests and reports that the time flies…no I think it's because THIS DAY ROCKS! I swear my whole day is going to be awesome just because of this day and all the stories and pictures that are going to be coming in! Well…that and I am going to watch Amok Time! Well I want to wish everyone a Happy Kirk/Spock Day! And I actually got it up on the date for once! Also I was listening to Ready for Love my Cascada, it just so happen to fit my idea perfectly!

**Disclaimer: **Me own this? Hahahaha…no…no matter how much I wish I don't own.

Okay this idea has been floating around my computer for almost a year now and I figured it was high time I wrote it out! Plus it sounded perfect for today! I hope you all enjoy it!

**Love Almost Lost**

I could feel the demons no the fire within me. The fire that shall soon consume me and rip away my carefully constructed control. I know what must be done and who I wish to bond myself to. Yet I fear that Jim, my Captain, will never be ready for a bond with me. His actions with women and other males prove this to me. He could never be a faithful bondmate. I shall return to Vulcan and T'Pring, I do not wish to but Pon Farr is approaching rapidly…there is nothing I can do. I will take T'Pring as my wife and forget these emotions I have towards my Captain. He shall be my friend and Captain. Nothing more. Never anything more.

How could Spock have betrayed me…he knows that I love him and he has never once told my about that woman, T'Pring. How could he allow me to have hope when she was always there just waiting for him. He didn't even trust me enough to even as me to bond with him. He immediately decided to return to Vulcan and _her_. He has to know I would do anything for him. Anything to help him. Hell I fought him just for the chance to save him! My life means nothing without him in it; I cannot be the Captain I was meant to be without Spock by my side. We are incomplete without each other.

_I loved Spock…that's why I risked my life for him and now…. Now he is on that planet with his new wife, T'Pring_, I thought, spitting at her name, eyes narrowed as I sat up off the biobed, alive although now that I had lost Spock I almost wish I hadn't survived.

Maybe if we had met sooner, if I had known about T'Pring then maybe we wouldn't have fallen apart. Maybe then I wouldn't feel this knife inside of me, slowly killing me. Our souls which had once been so close together and now apart…never to rejoin again in this world. Maybe in another time and place we could have been together. Loved each other forever but not here. Not now.

I heard the doors to Sickbay open, McCoy and Chapel smiled happily as the moved to intercept the crewmember. I could care less who it was, Spock; _my Spock_ was still down on that planet…with her.

"Doctor I shall be resigning my commission immediately, of course," Spock's voice stated, my head snapped up, looking though the small doorway, Spock's back to me. _Resign? Why in god's name would he resign?_ I thought, leaning in closer to hear what Spock was talking about.

"Ah Spock I..."

"So I would appreciate…your making the final arrangements," Spock stated interrupting McCoy, emotions almost leaking out of his voice. I could see his hands clenched behind his back even as he looked straight up at McCoy. _No…he thinks I'm dead still, _I realized eyes widening as I could clearly see my friends suffering. _He thinks he has killed me._

"Spock I-" McCoy tried to but in before Spock interrupted him again.

"Doctor please let me finish. There can be no excuse for the crime of which I am guilty," Spock continued, his hands shaking. _That's enough, _I thought, rising to my feet as I headed towards the door, _I can't let Spock blame himself for this it wasn't his fault. I knew what could happen. _

"I intend to offer no defense. Furthermore I shall order Mr. Scott to take immediate command of his vessel." I could see Chapel smiling slightly as I came to stand directly behind Spock, leaning slightly into the doorway.

"Don't you think you better check with me first," I said calmly, straightening out my shirt, watching as Spock turned around, eyes wide as if he had seen a ghost. Which isn't that far off.

"Captain," Spock gasped, I smiled brightly before walking around him. He kept his eyes on me the whole time before reaching out. "Jim!" he called, tugging me towards him. I know my eyes softened as Spock _smiled_, actually smiled up at me, eyes reflecting happiness…and love?

Spock froze, looking behind me to the no doubt smirking Bones and beaming Chapel. He quickly released me before trying to regain his composure. I couldn't help but feel somewhat sad that he was putting his mask back on again.

"I'm…pleased to see you Captain. You seem…uninjured," Spock stated, shifting as he tried desperately to regain his composure before his eyebrows went up, "I am something at a loss to understand it however."

"Blame McCoy," I said, smile still on my face, "that was no triox-compound he shot me with. He slipped an anural paralyzer. Knocked me out, simulated death." I turned to look at Spock, eager to see how this information would affect him.

"Indeed," Spock stated eyebrows still high as he looked over at McCoy eyes wide before calming himself.

"Nurse would you mind please," McCoy said, asking Chapel to leave us. Chapel smiled brightly at Spock before nodding to McCoy and exiting the room. I moved closer to the computer terminal, Spock following after me by half a step as we watched the door close before McCoy turned to Spock. "Spock, what happened down there? The girl? The wedding?"

The knife twisted in my heart once again at McCoy's questions. I do not know if I want to know the answer to them. Helpless I turned to face Spock, resigned to whatever it was he would say.

"Ah yes the girl. Hmm. Most interesting. It must have been the combat," Spock stated, looking at McCoy as my eyes light up. Maybe I had a chance; maybe Spock didn't marry her after all. "When I thought I had killed the Captain I found I had lost all interest in T'Pring. The madness was gone."

_Combat my ass, _I thought, knowing that McCoy was thinking that as well as Spock continued to stare at us. I could see McCoy had something to say but right then the communication's went on.

"Kirk here," I stated, watching as Spock continued to watch me as I had to bend over to accept the communication.

Captain Kirk, message from Starfleet command top priority, Uhura stated, I turned to look at McCoy and Spock, not knowing what could happen next.

"Relay it Lieutenant."

Response to T'Pau's request for diversion of Enterprise to planet Vulcan hereby approved. Any reasonable delay granted. Komack, Admiral Starfleet Command, Spock and McCoy looked at me, surprised at the turn of events.

"Well a little late I'm glad they are seeing it our way. How about that T'Pau, I couldn't turn her down," I stated, trying desperately to contain my smile. "Mr. Chekov, lay in a course for Altar VI leave orbit when ready. Kirk out."

I stood up, straightening my shirt once again to see the two standing face to face, McCoy looking devious. What is he up to now?

"There's one thing, Mr. Spock. You can't tell me that when you first saw Jim alive that you weren't on the verge of giving us an emotional scene that would have brought the house down," McCoy said, smugly as we turned to look at Spock,

"Merely my quiet logical relief that Starfleet had not lost a highly proficient Captain," Spock responded, shifting nervously as he continued to stare McCoy down.

"Yes, Mr. Spock I understand," I said, stepping in before McCoy could say anything else. There was a more pressing conversation I needed to have with Spock.

"Thank you Captain," Spock responded, before we turned to look at McCoy.

"Of course Mr. Spock, your reaction was quiet logical."

"Thank you Doctor," Spock stated as I headed towards the door, Spock following instantly after me.

"In a pig's eye," McCoy grumbled. We stopped and looked towards each other, I was silently agreeing with McCoy while Spock just looked confused.

"Come-on Spock, let's go mind the store," I stated as we both exited, McCoy's gaze heavy on our backs. I headed towards the nearest ready room, ushering Spock inside before telling the computer to lock the door.

"Captain?" Spock asked, taking a step forward.

"Spock, we need to talk about what happened," I said, gesturing to the chairs as I took one, Spock sat directly across from me.

"There is nothing to discuss, Captain. You are alive and the madness as I have already stated is gone," Spock said, hands folded lightly on the table.

"Yes there is. I want to know why you didn't come to me instead of insisting on going to Vulcan. You know how I feel about you; gods know I make it so obvious. The crew is even aware of my feelings for you," I sighed, tiredly but knowing that we needed to have this conversations now.

"Cap-Jim I did not-"

"You didn't think I was ready for this did you? Didn't think I could actually handle being with you, _bonded_ with you did you," I accused, glaring at the Vulcan. "Spock…you should know me better then that. I love you, I never want to hurt you, and I want to be with you. I am ready for love Spock."

"Jim…I…it is true. I did not believe you were ever going to be ready to bond with me. To be loyal to me and me alone for the rest of your life," Spock said, his chocolate eyes locking on me. I could plainly see his pain and how this choice had weighed with him.

"Spock, I am _ready_. I don't know how else I can tell you. I fell in love, something I thought would never happen but it did and I don't regret it. We are two half's of the same whole," I said, smiling as I reached over, resting my hand inches from his own. "We can go as slow as you want to but I'm not going to go anywhere. Only time will tell where we will end up in the future but I don't want to be alone anymore. I need you Spock, more then I have ever needed anyone before."

"Jim…you are T'hy'la and I should not have doubted you," Spock said, smiling slightly at me.

"T'hu'la? What does it mean?" I asked, breathless.

"It has no standard equivalent but the closest that comes to it is friend, brother, lover. The human word soul mate also applies," Spock said, his hand taking that last jump, locking with my own.

"T'hy'la, I like it," I decided, smiling as I started to stroke his fingers making him gasp. I knew how sensitive Vulcan hands were thanks to some research and help from McCoy.

"I am glad," Spock said I pulled him closer, gently brushing my lips over his own before pulling back. Spock's eyes twinkled with laughter and happiness, something you would miss if you didn't know what to look for before I stood up and rounded the table, coming to stand right in front of Spock.

"I love you Spock," I whispered before reaching my hand out, offering a Vulcan kiss.

"As I you, T'hy'la," Spock breathed, smiling just as he did when he saw me in sickbay before leaning down to capture my lips in a kiss. I melted into the kiss, reaching over to pull _my_ Vulcan closer.

I don't know what I did to disserve this but I know that I never want to break this spell, this love. My soul might have been divided before but now I knew that Spock was my other half. With Spock at my side I knew we could accomplish anything, as long as we stood by each other we would be ready. _I am happy that we both fell under the spell, _I thought as we pulled away, foreheads resting against each others as I gazed into his eyes. _And I am never going to try and break it. I had almost lost love once…never again. _

**T'Slash: **Yay it only took me like less than three hours to write! I had some much fun but listening and copying the dialogue is hell I decided! LOL. Well I hope you all enjoyed this little one-shot! Please remember to review!


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